Why We Don’t Achieve Our Goals 2

Part 2 of 5

Let’s assume you have established a definitive Chief Aim. That’s at least 51 percent of the battle. If you haven’t read the first article or listened to the podcast, stop and go back now to do that because this part is irrelevant without a Chief Aim.

Self Awareness.

It’s a popular term as of late with all the studies and teaching on emotional intelligence. And for good reason: a lack of self awareness is the second reason we don’t achieve our goals.

Martin Luther began a sermon with the following: “The summons of death comes to us all, and no one can die for another.”

Where did your thoughts go just now after reading Luther’s opening line? I’m curious to know. My thoughts paused and then gave birth to another idea: I choose how I will die by how I live.

I find deficiencies of self awareness in all of us to some degree but especially among those not interested in self evaluation, assessments, and healthy coaching relationships. I use the phrase “types” because I can’t quite put my finger on a specific category of person. However, I have observed the following spoken or unspoken reasons why self reflection is avoided:

  • I’m too busy
  • I’m too important
  • Im too old
  • I’m simply more intelligent
  • I find no value in assessments
  • I’ve had a bad experience with coaching
  • I don’t want to know
  • I am who I am

In the first article, I stated that I often start a coaching relationship by searching for the client’s chief aim. Once we identify this all-important target, we then explore obstacles. I sometimes phrase it this way: “What are the things and/or people you perceive as obstacles preventing the attainment of your main goal?” This discussion helps uncover, among other things, my client’s awareness of self and context.

Most of the time, I hear of external obstacles.

However, rarely do I hear of the most dangerous ones—the internal issues. These can range from a lack of appreciation and leveraging of one’s gifts and strengths to blind spots. Equally threatening is the inability to articulate defeating emotions. After all, how we feel fuels our efforts.

To articulate self awareness is to bring intelligence to the goal-achieving battlefield. It is an honest and empowering process that involves assessing one’s strengths and opportunities, as well as understanding what the enemy to our success might bring to the skirmish. Making things known brings everything into the light, allowing a plan of success to be designed with sober judgment, courage, and confidence.

Put another way, self awareness leads to broader and deeper understanding, increasing wisdom and courage. As you make the unconscious conscious, you “see” like never before. You learn to use the “why” senses, not just the what.

Why did I quit?

Why am I discouraged, and what drives my desire for this? What caused him to act that way, and what made her say that? Where does the resistance come from? When we ask the “why” questions, we will better answer the “how” questions. Without the whys, typical tactics and strategies often fail.

Two things you need to do:

First

Use your imagination and place yourself in the center of the room. In your mind’s eye, walk around yourself slowly and several times, making yourself more consciously aware of who you are—your strengths, gifts, fears, blind spots, and how others may see you. It is helpful if you can include a trusted person or two to participate. Write down everything you discover. Remember, this is not a one-time exercise; it is a discipline of growth.

Second

Do the same by placing your definitive Chief Aim in the middle of the room. Invite (if you can) trusted persons to help you walk around this highly desired goal. Sometimes it’s not wise to invite others in on this exercise for a variety of reasons. However, if possible, make sure these are some of the wisest people you know. By doing so, you create a mastermind—where the saying “two or more minds are better than one” truly becomes realized. Together, walk around the goal freely, making the invisible visible using words. Describe everything you can regarding the vision—its beauty, obstacles, and strategies for achievement.

After completing these steps

You’ll be ready to overcome the third reason we don’t achieve our goals.

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