Episode 183: The Discipline of Noticing – Leading and Living with Purpose

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Today Counts Show Episode 183

Preview

Matt: Rarely do I compare down.

Jim: Interesting.

Matt: I compare up, right? Or over. I compare over the fence. Oh, there’s their grass is greener, their pasture is bigger, their house is nicer, their car is cleaner. I compare over or up. I rarely compare down.

And I read a quote by Abraham Lincoln, and he said, “I will prepare myself, and one day my day will come.” But I think what some young leaders are missing the framework for is that quote: “I will prepare myself, and one day my day will come.”

[Music]

Appreciation of our Supporters

Winston: Hey, before we jump into the podcast, we want to thank all our donors and supporters who make the Today Count Show possible. It’s through your generosity that we’re able to shape leaders through this content and this podcast. Be sure to like, subscribe, and follow wherever you find yourself coming across this content. All right, let’s get to the podcast.

Introduction

Jim: Hey, everybody, welcome back to the Today Counts Show. I am so excited about our guest today. This morning when I was in the scriptures, I was in the book of Proverbs. Like I encourage all of our listeners to do—what I’ve been doing for a long, long time—is whatever the day of the month is, I read that same corresponding chapter in the book of Proverbs.

As I was reading, I came across one verse that I have highlighted I don’t know how many times—probably in every Bible that I own—and it seemed to fit today’s podcast. It’s Proverbs 13. So, you’re going to know that we recorded on the 13th day.

Anyway, verse 20. It says, “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”

And Matt, I don’t want to make you blush, but I do consider you a wise person.

Matt: Well, thank you.

About the book: Notice What Matters

Jim: Yeah. The way you make decisions, the way that you lead—you’ve been leading for a long time. So, let me introduce you. Matt Martin. Matt is an author, and for those of you who are looking at this on YouTube, you’ll see that I am holding up the book which Matt entitled Notice What Matters.

Notice What Matters. So, we’re going to talk a little bit about that today, but in a broader sense, we’re going to be talking about principles for life and leadership, and we’ll be integrating many of the principles regarding this book.

I hope that it will inspire you to not only pick up a copy for yourself but also share it with others. If you’re not part of any kind of a small group, it’d be great for that kind of reading. If you are a coach, I think this would be a tremendous book to add to your library—great sound bites to use and books to give to those that you coach. I’m going to be working through it myself for that purpose alone.

Guest Welcome

So, Matt, welcome to the show.

Matt: Thank you so much. It is a pleasure to be here.

Jim: Well, you’re on the Today Counts Show a lot because you are also a co-host for the Genesis Project.

Matt: Yes.

Jim: And we might as well put a plug in for that too.

Matt: That’s it. That’s it. We’re having a lot of fun with that.

Jim: That’s right. So, the Genesis Project is not really any preaching—although there are some of us who run away with a sermonette or two—but it’s really a discussion through the book of Genesis. And we’re having a lot of fun. There’s four of us that participate in that, and I’m always sad when you miss an episode.

Matt: Me too. I look forward to it. And it’s going to take us about, you know, a couple decades to get through the 50 chapters, but I believe in us. I believe in us.

Jim: Yeah. I’ve got to take care of myself so I can make it to–

Matt: Yeah, make it to chapter 50.

Jim: To make it to that finish line. Hey, Matt, before we start talking about your book—and I do have some questions on the front end of your book—let’s get to know you a little bit. Maybe just do a little synopsis of your life story. I mean, where’d you grow up? What have you been doing all these years? What are you doing today?

Matt Martin’s Background and Life Story

Matt: Yeah. I tell people all the time, I’ve had a fantastic life—not without hardship, not without struggle—but I’ve had a lot of fun. And if it were to end today, I would look back and be like, “Wow, I was a part of all of that.”

Jim: That’s great perspective.

Matt: I have so many stories of my life, and I tell people all the time, “Sometimes I wonder if they’re true, but I was there, and I lived them. I know they are.”

Early Life & Childhood

Man, I grew up with a great family, had a great childhood. Most would say I grew up out in the country. I grew up on farmland, if you would, in a little southeast Texas town. I always had a go-kart, a four-wheeler, a horse, cows, animals, working on something—building fences, tearing down fences—getting bored on a summer day and just building some contraption because that seemed like it’d be fun.

One of my best friends growing up was my next-door neighbor. We decided to rebuild a go-kart one day. We were going to paint it—engine and all—but we weren’t old enough to know how flammable paint was. And we rebuilt the whole thing, got the engine mounted, got everything going. We were smart enough to do that—I mean, we’re 11 or 12 years old.

We fired it off, and when we did, it shot a spark out the back, and the whole thing caught on fire because the paint was so flammable—it was so fresh. So we’re on his back porch, and it’s on fire. I’m like, “Oh God, we’re going to burn the house down.”

Early Work

I graduated high school early, went immediately into the workforce. I worked for the city water and sewer district and really learned a lot about plumbing and operating heavy equipment. My family were entrepreneurs, and we were in the heavy equipment business. While most kids got Tonka toys to play with—little trucks—I had the real thing. It was a blast. It was so much fun.

Did that. Felt called to ministry at age 15. I had a very real experience with God, and then again about age 17, God set me in motion to step into ministry. So I did that, went to Bible school, college, but always—because of my parents and my own entrepreneurial spirit—had businesses running, was always figuring out another contract with another company to do some work and make some money.

Events & International Work

Over the years, I had a contract with Clear Channel Entertainment. I would build the arenas for monster truck shows and motocross.

Jim: Crazy.

Matt: I’d build these massive ramps, bring the cars in and out that they would crush, and all of that. PBR—Professional Bull Riding—I’d build the dirt arenas for that. I do the dirt work is I guess what I should say. I would do the dirt areas for that and rodeos, different things.

A lot of fun. All the while working in my local church—youth ministry over the years, things like that. I had years where I was taking heavy equipment apart and putting it in 40-foot containers and shipping it to Malaysia.

Jim: Really?

Matt: Across the world. Just a lot of experiences—I could go on and on.

Jim: Very eclectic.

Matt: Yes, very much so. Fast forward to today: I’ve got two grown kids. My oldest son is married. I have an amazing granddaughter, Paisley. That’s one of the highlights of my life.

Family & Current Life

I’m helping lead a fantastic, growing multisite church here in San Antonio. I operate over all the operations of finance, legal, real estate, teaching, preaching. I don’t know what my job description is—it’s so wide and deep and broad. Who knows? Yes, I do that too.

Jim: Yeah. From my vantage point, your job description is: you do what you do.

Matt: Yeah.

Jim: And that’s kind of cool. If you think about it, that’s kind of how you’ve built your resume. Not only are you a husband, but you’re a father, you are a grandfather. You have an entrepreneurial streak in you—even to this day. We’ll see what happens if the goats come up.

Matt: That’s it. Oh, that will.

Jim: To a grandfather, a pastor—and as I’ve shared with you recently, I just enjoy when you get on stage. Your style—very excellent communicator. And now we have to add author to the whole thing.

Let me ask you this. You got into a little story about the go-kart catching on fire. It made me think of some of my childhood blunders. As you’ve gotten older now as a seasoned leader, do you find yourself more comfortable talking about your leadership mistakes?

Discussing Leadership Mistakes and Vulnerability

Matt: Oh, 100%.

Jim: Whereas maybe 15 years ago it was harder to talk about? What do you think?

Matt: Yeah. You know, I’ve always said that pride is a cruel taskmaster. I tell my wife—she laughs; I don’t think she means it when she’s laughing—I’ll say vanity is a cruel taskmaster as well. She’s worried about the next hair appointment or whatever. We laugh. I’m like, “Don’t worry about it.” She’s like, “Yeah, that’s not funny.”

When we’re younger, we are so concerned with how others are going to view us. And it is a cruel taskmaster.

Jim: We feel like we have to know.

Matt: We have to know. I wish early on I would have said “I don’t know” more, because it would have opened me up to greater conversations.

Learning in Youth

Jim: But to defend younger people—sometimes we don’t even know what we don’t know, right?

Matt: That’s right.

Jim: We don’t even know what questions to ask. I was talking to a young man today in a coaching appointment. He responded how a lot of young leaders do in a tense situation—he just kind of came off the leash, so to speak. He thought his life was over. And I gave him a half dozen moments in my life where I did very similar things.

I think that’s another reason why I’m excited to talk about your book. Because there are a lot of years in here that are very, very valuable.

I guess when I look at this—the title of this book, Notice What Matters—and your subtitle is Achieving Success with the People, Moments, and Opportunities in Your Life.

Matt, what was the motive behind? It’s a lot of work to write a book—what was your motive behind it? What spurred you on to take this on? Because you are that eclectic person you described. You’re still that person.

Matt: Yeah.

Jim: And I’m proud of you for getting the project done, for one.

The Motive Behind Notice What Matters

Matt: Well, you know because you’ve written several books, it’s not for the faint-hearted, that’s for sure.

The book is born out of two things. One being, I told you about my life growing up with my family—how fun it was. We had a lot of problems. I watched family hit rock bottom two or three times. It’s not all rainbows and roses, but so much life experience there.

Working with my dad—we just did a lot of things together in business and in life, and hunting, and being outdoors, and doing what we did. He passed away unexpectedly in 2013. As I was processing and dealing with the grief—and I wasn’t doing a good job with that—Jennifer and I took a few days off. I went to Lake Travis, sitting on the lake shore just outside of Austin. We rented a little cabin up there.

Nobody told me to do this, but I thought, “I’m just going to write down what Dad taught me.” I’m just going to make a list.

Jim: While you were there?

Matt: While I was there. Because she said, “You’ve got to deal with this.”

Jim: Yes, do something.

Stewer vs. Spewer

Matt: Because I talk about this a little bit in the book. There are stewers and there are spewers. Some people just stew on things and press it down. Others just spew—they fly off the handle. I’m a stewer. I push it down.

I’d been stewing, and it was not good. I was just reflecting, trying to get my head around dealing with life. I just started making a list. And I had a little journal, and I started writing. I wrote 20 or 25 things—lessons he taught me verbally or that he just by living.

There were some funny ones on there because he was obsessed with checking the weather. His favorite thing to do was watch reruns on the Weather Channel. I’m like, come on.

Jim: You are joking, right?

Matt: No, no, no, I’m not. That was his gig.

Jim: Oh, that is fun.

Matt: Oh, yeah. It was. That’s what was always on and he was just always worried about the weather. So, one of the things on there is “Always check the weather.”

Jim: Well, you did live down there.

Matt: Yeah, we lived in hurricane country. So, there was that.

Principles from Dad

He had phrases like this: “Be honest even if it costs you.” But he also taught me, “Be generous until it costs you.”

It was things like that. I began to write those things down. One of those he said out loud, and the other one I watched him live out.

He would ask this question—we’d be frustrated or puzzled, trying to fix a problem, work on a piece of equipment, work in the pasture, whatever we were doing—and he would ask me this question: “Hey, just remember, always ask, ‘What really matters?’”

It just brought it back to center. Interesting. “Why are we doing what we’re doing? Why are we focused on what we’re focusing on? And why are we making the decisions we’re making? What really matters? What’s the desired outcome we’re looking for?”

Jim: I did not know that.

Matt: Yeah. So, Jennifer took and made that a piece of art. She took those phrases, surprised me one year—I think for my birthday or Christmas—and made this. It hangs in my office on the wall: “Lessons Learned from Dad – Gene Martin, 1948 to 2013.” And it has all these listed out in a cool art way—artwork she had framed up.

That lives in my office now. Actually, I moved it about two years ago. I put it so now, when I look up from my desk, I’m looking straight at it.

That question: “Ask what really matters.” That started it. Now, it would be 10 years later before I would start writing the book—over 10 years later—but that began to percolate in me and begin to move.

Depression & Healing

Then I had a season of dealing with depression and anxiety in 2018. I probably overexaggerate when I say I ran off the rails. I didn’t go do anything stupid—I was just buried by it. Coming out of that, I had some great people around me that really put tools in my hands and gave me a space to heal. Coming out of that, I began to notice what matters in my life. And it changed my life.

Jim: Wow.

Matt: That’s the genesis of it.

Jim: Yeah. That’s amazing. I don’t know if this is how you wrote, and I’m not sure there’s an exact right way to write a book. I’ve written some books. I have friends of mine who’ve written some books. I have acquaintances who’ve written some books. Some of them have really grabbed me—and they’ve only sold like 500. Just amazing, amazing books. And supposedly they didn’t “write it right” or something.

And other books I’ve read that I didn’t really think were that great—and they’re international bestsellers, translated.

Matt: That happens, in seven languages.

Jim: Exactly. One of the things that I’ve been doing in my writing—which I think makes it harder for me now—is imagining who I’m writing to. Did you have anyone in mind, particularly, as you were writing this?

Writing for a Specific Audience and William Carey’s Quote

Matt: I did. One, I had a broken version of me in mind. That would be one audience I had: my broken place. What did I need to hear? In my leadership questions, what do I wish a leader would have told me?

Jim: Wow.

Matt: That was some of the audience I had in mind. I took myself back as a young leader and thought, “As I’m writing this, as I’m working this out, what did they not tell me? What did they not say to me? What question did I not ask? And what dumb question did I ask that I could have reframed better?”

As I was writing through this, then you’ve been here, I was also writing to my two boys, my daughter-in-law, and my granddaughter. As they grow up: What matters? What really matters?

As you lead your family, as you move in your circle of friends, as you rise in the company—and my kids are doing that—and I believe the best for little Paisley at two years old right now, I want her to have a handbook to look at and say:

“If I’m going to be a great leader, if I’m going to be a great spouse, if I’m going to succeed with what really matters in life…”

William Carey Quote

To me, the summary of the book—you have your genesis, all the good stuff in the middle—but a good summary I put on the last page as the last quote. It’s from the missionary William Carey, who would be known as the father of the modern missions movements we work off of today.

He made this statement, he said:
“I’m not afraid of failure. I am afraid of succeeding at things that don’t matter.”

That is a call to purpose. That is a call to what… because success will lie to you.

Jim: Yeah.

Matt: Failure will lie to you as well. It’ll tell you you’re worse than you really are.

Jim: That’s good.

Matt: Yeah. But success will lie to you because it’ll tell you that you’re winning in places you aren’t winning. So many people are going through their life and they feel like they’re winning in one area, but they’re losing in another.

We address all of those things in the book. Make sure you’re winning. You’re at the right target. You’re aiming at the right bullseye. That’s the target.

Jim: You know, Matt, I think it’s fair—hopefully you agree—we’ve become friends.

Matt: Yes. Oh yes.

Jim: There’s a whole other layer in my respect for you. So this question that I have is a bit selfish. I want to ask you this.

In my ministry, I work with a lot of young and upcoming leaders, and then I work with some seasoned leaders and everyone in between.

Comparison & Ambition Problem

One of the things I think is common to man—but it just seems very intense in my dealings, and I wonder what you would say to this, but in the Western way of thinking– By the way, what I’m trying to bring up here is you and your bride Jennifer, you’re part of a movement. Leading from the second chair I think is what it’s called.

I don’t know how much it differentiates between first and second. I’m sure it does, but it really talks about the nobility, as I’m looking from the outside looking in and just putting my ear to the wall in what you guys are talking about. But in in in the groups that I work with, there seems to be this “if I don’t become the CEO, I have failed.”

That’s one thing. The other thing is this big comparison thing. Some gets bonused a half a million dollars in stock, but somebody else got bonused a million or what have you.

Emerging from the Valley: Lessons from Loss and Legacy

The reason I’m asking you this question is because I’m wondering about the Matt Martin on the other side of this time of depression.

You talked about losing your dad—and that probably was some acute depression right there. Then it looked like maybe you came out of it a little bit, but then entered into it again. So I’m looking at this Matt Martin on the other side of it. I’m looking at this book that you’ve written. I’m looking at these phrases that your father has given you.

I remember a story you tell all the time—this is how I picture it anyway—you and your dad are driving down the road in a truck. I’m assuming it was a truck.

Matt: Oh, most definitely. I never saw him drive a car.

Jim: Okay. Somehow, some subject would come up. Maybe you brought it up, maybe he brought it up—I don’t know—but he would always throw it back in your lap.

“What do you think?”

Matt: Yes.

Jim: Really trying to teach you how to think on your own, I guess. But what would you say to these men and women that I’m working with—and that I really love and care about—when somebody else gets promoted and they don’t?

I think I gave you a good enough example of what I’m talking about. I think that fits into your book, does it not?

Overcoming Comparison and the Power of Preparation

Matt: Yeah. One of the phrases I use in the book is:
“We are human beings, not human doings.”

Most people’s comparison and insecurities typically are derived from a place of either what we are not, or what we think we are not, or what we don’t have. Rarely do I compare down.

Jim: Interesting.

Matt: I compare up, right? Or over. I compare over the fence. “Oh, their grass is greener. Their pasture is bigger, their house is nicer, their car is cleaner.” I compare over or up. I rarely compare down.

Jim: Yeah. Well, my car is always cleaner, but that’s an issue.

Matt: Yeah, your car is always cleaner.

Jim: I need therapy of that.

Matt: Yes. Maybe. Yeah. It’s unhealthy clean.

Anyway, as a young leader, I would look and probably envy is a good word. Compare—just what you’re talking about. “They got this, I did not.”

The Hidden Cost of Success

On the other side of that now—in most cases—I don’t want to caveat everything, but in most cases, they have paid a price that most never see. I could tell you stories. I sit in the seat I sit in today because of some private prices I’ve paid that nobody knows about. Stories I’ve shared with very few.

Yes, there were good times—but what about when it was lean? What about when it was confusing? What about when it was difficult? And what about when it was easier to walk away than to stay?

As a young leader, I didn’t have a good enough appreciation—or even maybe an accurate framework—to even put that in. Because you can’t live in this as a young leader: “Well, I guess I’ll take a hit somewhere and I’ll be worthy of whatever.” No, it all happens in process.

One of the quotes—I was 23 years old believe—I have a very unique memory. It’s nearly photographic. It is a curse at times. It’s not photographic.

I remember where I was sitting, the day, the desk I was at, and the book I was reading. I read a quote by Abraham Lincoln. And I actually put the backstory in my book because it impacted me so much. I didn’t even know there was a backstory to it.

Jim: Oh, really?

Preparing for the Moment

Matt: It was from him when he was a young child. I actually thought it was from when he was older, but a teacher had pretty much harassed him—was kind of getting on to him—and he made this statement:

“I will prepare myself and one day my day will come.”

Now Lincoln would go on to have multiple failures in his life. Multiple Senate failures. Multiple political failures. We all know Lincoln, obviously.

Jim: Business too, I think.

Matt: Yeah and business. Had multiple business failures.

Jim: Lost loved ones.

Matt: And lost loved ones, kids. Then later on would obviously become the 16th President of the United States. But I think what some young leaders are missing the framework for is that quote: “I will prepare myself and one day my day will come.”

We think we get to choose the day. No, we get to choose the preparation.

Jim: That’s good, Matt.

Choosing Preparation Over Recognition

Matt: So, as a young leader that may be frustrated with, “I didn’t get the bonus they got. I worked harder.” No. You were preparing right now because you don’t know what all they’ve done. You don’t know the secret battles. You don’t know the heartache and the pain.

Lincoln took a lot of—I need to reframe my metaphor. I was going to say took a lot of shots. He literally did.

But he took a lot of criticism. For the way he led. The way he led through the war. I don’t know that either of us have finished it—speaking of books that Doris Kearns wrote with Lincoln’s leadership. It’s a thousand pages, but it is intense.

Jim: It is.

Matt: Talking about the way he led with those who hated him, and he gave them a seat at the table so that he could hear the criticism to make better decisions.

Young leaders, that’s hard because our egos get in the way.

Jim: I heard this not long ago—the most expensive thing we own is our ego.

Matt: There you go. That’s so true. I think we’re missing—we choose the preparation, and we’re going to look up one day, and there’s going to be an opportunity. We shouldn’t be shocked. There were seasons of my life where I was shocked, and I still mean this. I’m just as surprised as anybody to be standing in the shoes I’m standing in.

When Preparation Meets Opportunity

This is a little bit of a side note but humorous. The book was number one on Amazon—which there’s a whole algorithm, you can make it happen, but you work hard and get a little bit.

But after day six, when I’m still number one in four categories, and I’m a top seller in the bestselling categories, my publisher calls. You could hear she didn’t know how to approach it with me.

“Hey, we need to talk about this. Your book’s doing really good as a bestseller on Amazon.”

I could hear what she wasn’t saying: nobody expected this to happen.

She said, “We need to retool and reframe some of our marketing strategy now because we have a legitimate product.”

Jim: “We’ve got some traction.”

Matt: I could hear her saying that, and I was laughing because I was like, “It’s okay. Nobody expected it.”

At this point, 10 years ago I would have said, “I’m shocked.” And in laughing, false humility, I would say that today. But I’m not. Because I’ve prepared. And one day my day will come. And that was just a day. That was a moment for me. It didn’t happen by accident. It happened because of hours and years of preparation.

The Power of Compound Knowledge

At 23 years old, I was in youth ministry and thought I wanted to do that my whole life in the local church. But I kept going to these leadership books. I quit reading the “How to have the best youth group games” and I started reading these leadership books. I couldn’t get away from them. Every time I’d go get a new book, I’d get the leadership book.

I didn’t understand what was happening. But now, as I look back over the last 30 years, I was preparing myself. I was reading about how to be a great second-chair leader. And I was reading how to be a great supporting leader. I was reading how to be a great organizational leader.

And then the power of compound interest of knowledge began to take over.

Jim: I wonder if you realize this. I see it from where I sit. You have become such a dynamic second-chair leader that the first-chair leader often follows you.

Matt: Correct. I made the statement to Jennifer last week. Our circle consists of first-chair leaders.

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Winston: There have been seasons in my life where I’ve looked back and thought, “What was that even about? Did I grow in that season? Did I get better? Am I still stuck in that season?”

If you have similar thoughts, I want to introduce you to a book called Story: The Art of Learning from Your Past. This book, written by Jim Piper, shares principles and stories that actually help us get unstuck and step into the future we’ve always wanted. Be sure to stop by leadtodaycommunity.com to grab your copy today.

Is That Really What You Want?

Jim: I’d like to add a little bit to what you said. Sometimes it’s that shiny thing that may catch our attention—whether it be a title, whether it be more money, a sense of recognition of some sort.

A friend asked me the other day about a situation he was in. The question I asked back to him: “Have you ever really thought about if you really want that job?”

There’s a possibility of an opening coming up, and she thinks that she probably won’t get it. But then I asked her, “Is your mind focused on the possibility that you won’t get it, or have you really thought about whether that’s even the job you want?”

There’s always another side to these kinds of things. I wonder if we do enough thinking to say, “What is demanded in that role may not be something that you want to give.”

Matt: I made a shift.

Jim: It goes back to Notice What Matters, right?

Matt: I wrote about this. I wrote Notice What Matters not to help you succeed in what you do but to help you succeed in who you are.

Jim: I read that.

Chasing the Right Opportunities

Matt: Early on, you’re scrappy. I follow enough leaders—and I did it, you did it, man—“I’m going to take every opportunity. I’m going to chase it down.” And then you find out that wasn’t the thing. So I’m going to chase the next thing.

You’re still doing this with purpose and direction and intention, but you don’t know what you don’t know. You don’t know what the outcome could be. We take it to a certain level.

There’s jobs I’ve had—okay, that was a bad idea, let’s not do that again. There are opportunities, companies I’ve worked with over the contracting years, where I thought, “I’m ready for that to end. That run is over.”

But each of them were developing me into who I am today. So now when I look at a job opportunity, or a relationship—a vendor relationship, a contract relationship—I’m looking at it now as: Who am I going to become by taking that job?

Not what title will I have. Titles are built on a house of cards. One thing removes all of that. Not in what will I do, but if I take this job, if I go in this direction, if I link up with this client for a season, who will I become? If I don’t like who I will become out of that—

Knowing Your Values

One of the things in the book I talk about is you have to know your values. I give you an exercise and I list mine out. I list my values out.

Jim: I read them.

Matt: I give you an exercise on how to do it. Because if you don’t know your values, then you don’t know who you’re trying to become. So then you don’t know what you’re trying to do.

Jim: It’s almost like you’re living unconsciously.

Matt: That’s it. And most people are. I’ve made this statement for years—and I say this because it was happening to me—life was happening to me. I was not happening to life. Too many people live like that. They get in the rut. They get into—

I have a friend—I think it’s in the introduction—he told me, “A rut is just simply a grave with both ends knocked out.” I don’t want to live like that. And I don’t want to live in a place where I’m just… eh, that’s just not–

As a young leader, I think it’s imperative that you chase down the opportunities, which helps you refine chasing down the right opportunities.

Jim, you and I are in a space of life—we might call it time management—but we don’t do much time management anymore. We do energy management.

Energy Management and Embracing Life’s Seasons

Jim: Man, you nailed it.

Matt: When I look at my day—yes, I see the appointments. I looked at tomorrow’s, got a little bit overwhelmed. I’m surviving today is what I feel like. I have a brilliant individual that schedules my calendar, but I have some interruptions that happen.

At this point, it’s not about: Do I have the time to get it done? It’s: Do I have the energy to get it done?

Jim: Just like you’re saying here—I’ve got to tag on with you because I’m connecting with this so much—and this person that does your calendar will even become more brilliant when they’re able to think about the nuances you’re referring to.

Because the first person it happens to is us. When we say, “Okay, I’m going to be out late that night doing this. The next morning, I need to make sure I’m scheduling this.” It’s not because we’re soft or running from something. It’s that we recognize energy is a real thing.

Embracing the Season You’re In

Matt: It’s real. That is real. There is an age and stage of life I’m living at now.

Let me go back to the young leader. If you’re a young leader and you’re married, you have a small child or small children at home, you’re in an age and stage that is not forever. It’s exhausting, but it’s not forever.

Jim: It’s a season.

Matt: It’s a season. Now, in some cases, it’s a 15–20 year season, but embrace the season.

Jim: Even that’s broken up in seasons.

Matt: That’s exactly right. Enjoy the season. Embrace the season because you don’t get it back. I don’t get back my best memories with my boys when they were young—throwing the ball in the street.

One of the heartbreaks of my life—and thankfully my children have grace for me—but one of the heartbreaks of my life is when I was in one of these dark places, and Brady and I are throwing the ball in the street. That was our thing. That was what we did. I can go a long list of how I’ve interacted with my boys and helped them develop.

One of the things we do, it was intentional. Whatever time of the year it was, it was either football or baseball. It was never soccer.  It was either football or baseball. We were coming out of the season or getting ready for the next season. We were doing it. It was fun.

One day, we’re throwing the football. And he said—I’m just throwing the football, not even— I think was just throwing a football. He said, “Dad, why are you so angry? Why are you throwing the football like you’re mad?” I had no idea.

Jim: You were somewhere else.

The Fear of Missing Out and Being Present

Matt: Yes, I was somewhere else. I wasn’t there. I talk about this in the book quite a bit. We think the fear of missing out is about what we’re missing over there. “I’m not at that. I didn’t make it over there.” What I argue is: what we’re missing out on is what’s happening right in front of us.

While my mind is over there, unfortunately there were days my physical body was at the kitchen table, but I wasn’t there. I wasn’t locked into my family, I missed moments. I didn’t achieve success in those opportunities because I thought I was missing out on something over there, but I’m not.

Etty Hillesum, in 1941…

Let me just read it, because it’s so powerful. She survived part of the Holocaust. I have a chapter in Chapter Three called “You Are Missing Out.”

The Cost of Distraction and the Stories We Tell Ourselves

Jim: I’m impressed you can read without glasses.

Matt: Oh, I haven’t got there yet. She said:
“The fear of missing out on things makes you miss out on everything. It keeps you from reality.”

There were seasons of my life where I missed, as a young leader. I missed the reality of sitting at the table with my family because I was worried about a deadline that I thought I’d missed. Or I was worried about somebody’s opinion of me and they weren’t even thinking about me. But I’d created a whole story. Especially for people pleasers, this is tough.

“They are so disappointed in me.”
“They’re upset with me.”
“They’re mad at me.”

Presence at Home and the True Measure of Leadership

Or

“Hey, that’s fun over there. They’re doing this, having fun, and I’m stuck here.” Think about that: “I’m stuck here at the dinner table with my family.”

As you say it 20 years later, you hear the fallacy and the heresy of it.

Jim: I can hear the song Cats in the Cradle in the background right now.

Matt: God, I didn’t think about that.

It’s understanding that age and stage of life as a leader. You’re going to work long hours. You’re not going to get the recognition you deserve. But no better place to be a hero than at home. Go home and be the one they look up to at home.

That’s a challenge I’m really pushing to young leaders because there’s so much formed when our kids are young, in the home. And if you’re clocked out somewhere else—looking over the fence at whatever that could be for you—and you’re missing the moment right in front of you, you’ve really missed out.

Decision-Making and Developing a Playbook

Jim: Yeah. With some of the young leaders, I’ve noticed—and maybe I struggled with it too. Actually, I know I did, now that I think about it—at least at certain intersections in my life. I was fearful in making a decision because if I made a decision yes for something, I was saying no to something else, which is necessary.

But it does seem like that’s one of the things that young leaders struggle with: decision-making. They’re afraid of making the wrong decision. I don’t know how we could encourage them to try to free themselves from that.

The only analogies I have are dumb. I’m lining a putt up—and a pro has taught me this—I’m lining a putt up and it looks like it’s going to break a certain way. I made up my mind that I’m going to go ahead and hit it that way. But then when I stand over the putt, it looks different. And so, in my backswing, I changed my mind and I putt it different than how I planned. And it’s always a disaster. Because I never really made a decision.

What the pro told me is that in a whole round of golf, if you look at things, make the best decision you can, and stick with it, you will do better that way than you will second-guessing yourself constantly.

Building a Personal Playbook

I want to say one thing and then turn it to a question in your book. It’s interesting how life kind of brings us around, isn’t it? If we’re paying attention, just because you grow older doesn’t mean you grow wiser. I unfortunately know too many that, to this day, don’t really care about what we’re talking about.

So, I went through a process of creating what I call a playbook. What a lot of my colleagues still get confused about is they think the playbook encompasses everything. And what we say about the playbook is: your playbook is about what you must do to get you where you want to go. Again, it is mostly based on how you have put it—who I’m becoming. Because who I’m becoming is the golden goose. It is that.

So, what are some examples? I don’t want you to give all the content away, but notice what matters. What are some of those things that matter?

Noticing What Matters

Matt: Yeah. It’s funny because that list is completely subjective to whoever’s writing it.

Jim: It could be—but maybe not. Maybe there’s some central things.

Matt: Yeah. And that’s what I really tried to drill down on. Again, going back to that audience—that young leader, that me, that broken me, the person who is obsessed with personal growth.

That’s been a journey I’ve been on for so many years. I want to be better. So, what do I need to matter?

Jim: Be healthier.

Matt: What do I need to notice? What needs to matter in my life so I can be a better leader, a better husband, a better dad, a better—now—grandfather, serve my employees better, serve my leaders better. So I wrote it, again, with those in mind.

I cover several things. One is: one of the chapters is “Notice Your Design.” You have a God-given design. I give you a framework on how to notice that, what to do with it. What questions do I need to even ask to know how God designed me? We unpack that.

Who’s In Your Circle?

Another thing is “Notice Your Circle.” You started with a great verse from scripture. Out of Proverbs: “Walk with the wise, and become wise. A companion of fools–”

Jim: “Suffers harm.”

Matt: Suffers. The word suffers. That is accurate.

Jim: That’s big.

Matt: That is accurate. I addressed that through a childhood story from my Boy Scout days. I took the advice of a friend and fell out of a tree. And I’ll let you read the book to find out how the story ends. It was painful. It was painful because I took the advice of a friend.

Jim: You told me that story one time, so that’s why I’m chuckling.

Matt: Yes. It’s horrible. But I suffered harm.

Emotional Intelligence and the Company You Keep

Jim: Well, and back to that proverb, just for us in our bantering here: some of the mistakes I’ve made to that point—is there might have been something about somebody that attracted me to them. It was that shiny something. But I didn’t look at the whole of that person and found out that I got caught in the web of that.

And it’s always easier to start something than it is to get out of something.

Matt: That’s so true. So, a couple of topics to notice what matters: notice your circle. Notice who you’re hanging out with.

Jim: That’s the proverb.

Matt: Here’s the thing: if you have a friend that you wouldn’t recommend to be a friend, why are you still their friend?

Jim: It’s a great question.

Matt: Why are you still hanging out with them? If you wouldn’t recommend somebody else to hang out with them, then why are you?

Notice your circle. One of the things I get into is talk about your emotions. So we call it EQ—notice your EQ, your emotional quotient. But I use the great, most famous—you’re a Southern California guy—but UCLA coach John Wooden.

Jim: Yeah.

Matt: And what’d he say? He said, “If you let your emotions get out of control, you will be outplayed.”

Jim: It’s always true.

Let Emotions Guide, Not Drive

Matt: Because emotions can guide, but they should never drive.

Jim: Right. Oh, that’s good. There’s a difference.

Matt: There is a difference. And so that’s the opening phrase of that chapter. We need to notice that. How am I handling life with my emotions?

I talk about “Notice Their Potential.” So, in your family, in your team that you’re leading, I’ve developed a framework called the See Method. When you see something in them, call it out. I don’t know if I should say it or make them go read the book to see what the See Method is.

Jim: We save it.

Matt: Let’s save it. So, we’re unpacking those ideas. I go through—there’s, I think, 10 different things to notice that we unpack as individual topics, obviously all flowing together.

Jim: I haven’t read every word of your book yet, but I’ve read a good portion of it. Some of the things that really appealed to me is that you cause me to think. And whenever somebody causes me to think, it usually leads to some sort of change that I’m going to make. Every change that I’m going to make moves me more towards what my playbook is generally about, which is health.

I’m one of those guys—and my listeners know that—and if they’ve known me since I was a kid, they know that I really didn’t have gears. I just had one gear, and it was go fast and hard. And so that turned into all kinds of experiences. Great highs, but also great lows. Physical issues, probably because I was pushing myself too hard. Emotional depletedness if you will.

Reclaiming Yourself and Finding Beauty in the Scars

I never really thought of myself as a people pleaser, but that’s a lie.

Matt: Oh, we are.

Jim: Right. And I would think there’s a good—I mean, unless you’re completely narcissistic or you’re on the borderline—there’s probably some of that in all of us.

Matt: Oh, yes.

Jim: Right? We need affirmation. There is a point of need that makes sense, and then there’s where you lose yourself and those kinds of things.

Matt: And I did. I lost myself in a lot of areas. And reclaiming yourself has value. But man, if I’d had a guide on the front end to building myself instead of having to go back and reclaim myself, I would have really appreciated that.

The years—man, 20 years ago—Jennifer and I built a house. The brick we put on it is something—I forgot the exact name—but it’s basically an old New Orleans look. They have a name for it; I can’t think of it right now.

But the idea is, it’s made to look like the reclaimed brick that they tore down off these old Southern buildings.

Jim: A facade of some sort.

Matt: Yeah. And when we built the house, it looked good. What I’m getting at is, there’s value in both. But it didn’t have the scars. It didn’t have the survival in it.

So, I’m not trying to build a guide here that prevents you from hurting. I tried to build a guide—a book—that would help you to, one, prevent some of it, but then: what do I do with those scars?

Centering, Mantras, and God’s Perspective

Jim: Give some perspective, too.

Matt: Perspective. There’s some beauty in that. My house that I built with my own hands didn’t look like that house out of South Louisiana, New Orleans. Because that brick was brand new from Acme Brick Company, made to look a little bit distressed.

Jim: There is so much beauty in our lives if we’ll take the time to see it from God’s perspective.

Matt: That’s it.

Jim: Our failures as well as our successes. Where I was getting at is that if somebody is looking for more peace in their life, man, I just can’t recommend this book enough.

Matt: I agree.

Jim: If somebody’s looking for perspective, if something is troubling them—whatever that something is—this is, I’m going to use the word: I think it’s insightful and therapeutic, and directional.

Matt: Yeah, it is. I had a phone call the other day from someone I’m pretty close to. In one of the chapters I talk about having a mantra. And I use what Ski Patrol uses—because Ski Patrol has a mantra, as well as first aid emergency workers.

They have a mantra, and it’s three words. This is how we’re going to take care of our job. So I recommend—you have an exercise similar to this in your playbook—but I recommend having a mantra for your life.

What is it that’s going to bring me back to center? Chaos can be happening everywhere—what’s going to bring me back?

Key Topics from Notice What Matters

Sharpening the Axe: A Lesson from Coach Darrell K. Royal

It’s funny because in one of the chapters—called “Notice Your Design”—I use a story from Coach Darrell K. Royal, who is a Texas legend for football. I mean, so much so, we’ve named the stadium after him at the University of Texas.

They created the Wishbone play.

Jim: Okay. I’m familiar with that.

Matt: Yes. His team of coaches created that and changed the game of football with that—back in the ’70s, even late ’60s through early ’80s. They refined this play, and somebody asked Coach Royal one day—in a newspaper article, and I quote it—they asked him about a certain player and some changes he was making with the team.

He said, “Well, I’m just going to say this. I talked to an old lumberjack in Washington State one time. And he told me, ‘Darrell, if I had five minutes to cut down a tree, I would spend the first three minutes sharpening the axe. We’re losing so much because we’re swinging harder instead of sharpening our skills and our designs so that we can swing and make a difference.”

He said, “I want each cut and each blow to penetrate and start chopping. But too many people let their axe get dull. And so their remedy is to swing harder instead of sharpening the axe.”

Staying Sharp and Focused

Jim: This book is going to put you in more demand. How are you going to keep yourself sharp? How are you going to keep yourself from becoming the sick doctor?

Matt: Yes. So, here’s where I’m at.

Jim: Is that a fair question?

Matt: That’s a great question. So, here’s what I’ve done.

Age and stage of life. I do not have young children at home. I would adjust this to this, but maybe this will help a leader. Maybe this will help a young leader that will do this at your kind of at your prodding a little bit. Another friend of mine, you know I’m a pencil and paper guy. I don’t use a computer because I have to, right?

I would love to have a flip phone. I’d love to have no phone. Honestly, that would be ideal in my world. I would love to go back to landlines. I could choose. So, I went and bought a Remarkable tablet.

Jim: Yes, I have one.

Matt: This is not a plug for them. Because I’m still figuring it out. But here’s what it did for me. The way that it interacts with technology and what it does, it really unfolded after I bought my Remarkable. Like I’ve been living kind of thinking this, but this put it on fake paper because that’s what it’s like writing on a Remarkable.

Jim: It feels like it.

Defining the Three Lanes of Purpose

Matt: My life in three areas. My main job with leading our church and what I’m doing. It is with the organization you talked about, leading second, helping second chair leaders across the US and Canada. I was actually on the phone with one in England the other day. We’re working some things there. And then there is the book, which is my company called Aligned Purpose Group.

I work out of those three areas now. If it does not fit one of those, it does not happen in my life. Now, I’m not caving my marriage, my kids, that all has its place. But as a whole, if I get an invitation that’s outside of those three, for the next decade of my life, I’m giving myself to those three things.

Jim: You’re working in those three things at a certain elevation that is a different approach than you would have been doing 20 years ago.

Advice to young and mid-leaders

Matt: Right. As a young leader coming up or a mid-leader, maybe you’re a leader in the middle. You’re not young, you’re not old, you have some chops under you, but you still have a lot of time in front of you. Start modeling, start digging out what I’m trying to say. Start digging out your true purpose. What excites you? What motivates you? And what makes you cry? What makes you smile? What makes you leap with joy?

Start refining your life and your jobs and your roles into that, and you’re going to find yourself at whatever stage and age of life.

For me, just because we had kids young, I hit it at 50. Some people hit it a little later, some maybe a little younger, whatever that is. I have a good friend who doesn’t have kids and he’s been in this vein since about the age of 42 or 43. He said, “I’m going to do these two things.” He is just wildly successful because he began to narrow his focus.

Eliminating to Accelerate

Jim: I often say that eliminating is what increases your speed.

Matt: Oh, 100%.

Jim: The Today Counts Show is a show focused on a Christian worldview in the area of life and leadership, particularly dedicated to the next generation of leaders. It is sponsored and propped up by the Lead Today community. I’m not kidding when I say Notice What Matters is going to become one of the resources that we are going to promote to those we work with face to face and virtually.

Another phrase came to my mind. I want to make sure you’re okay with it. I see it as a book that can really help people develop a philosophy of life.

Matt: We hit at it a while ago. Some people just simply don’t know where they’re trying to go, so they get there with too many regrets. Some feel like they’re trying to go six places, but we know you can’t. That just doesn’t work. Something’s going to break eventually.

I put in the book a tool that really, it’s so simple that changed my life. I heard it from Zig Ziglar years ago. That’s a throwback. There are only a few of us who’ll know that now these days.

Jim: Oh, yeah. A good book.

Matt: I was listening to a talk Zig was giving, and he talked about what he called the “will of life.” I went in and retooled it to what was working for me and put my version in the book.

The Notice What Matters Wheel and Living in Rhythm

The Notice What Matters Wheel

Jim: Oh, the wheel of life.

Matt: Yeah. I call it now the Notice What Matters wheel. I give you eight or nine categories depending on how you want to do it. It’s like a bicycle wheel and you’re the hub. Each spoke that comes out of it represents a category. You self-evaluate, put a dot around, and then draw the circle or the broken, uneven circle because zero is the lowest and 10 is the highest. Think of a bicycle tire fully aired up.

If I’m an eight or a nine in my physical health but my personal growth is at a one, then that’s a big imbalance in the wheel. What happens when a wheel is not round?

Jim: Thud.

Matt: Thud. It gets bumpy. Many people live a bumpy life because they’re airing up the wrong spokes. Success will lie to you. “I’m winning at my job, but my family’s losing.”

Jim: It’s going to break down the rest of the wheel eventually.

Matt: This tool is a way for you to kind of– Because we’re not trying to balance our lives. I don’t believe in balance. I believe in rhythms and seasons. Rhythms allow me to truly succeed because balance causes you to try to measure in hours and days. Seasons or rhythms allow me to measure in weeks, months, and years. I need to measure my life not by hours and days.

From Balance to Rhythm

Jim: When I think of balancing, you know what I think of? I think of the high wire guy, and I go, “I don’t want to do that.”

Matt: That looks terrible.

Jim: Then I think of whack-a-mole. Those are the two things I think of.

Matt: That’s what it feels like. I gave up on balance a long time ago. A had a young college student recently said, “I’m trying to balance my life.” I said, “Well, that’s your first problem.” They looked at me like, “Oh, that’s what we’re supposed to do.” I said, “No, you need to live in rhythm.”

Jim: Another child of the sound bite world.

Matt: That’s it. When we learn to live in rhythm, that’s what I had to get to, that’s what I had to notice in my life: quit trying to balance my life, get in rhythm. Rhythm stretches out. Rhythm is the note that holds a little longer.

Seasons Require Awareness and Intention

Jim: A lot of times it’s just consciously recognizing what season you’re in. You might be in a four-week season where it’s pedal to the metal and God gives you the graces to do that. You might be in a season of rest, reflection, serving. There are all kinds of different things.

Matt: There are seasons of my life where my family doesn’t get the best of me. My project, my job.

Jim: They probably need a break from me anyway.

Matt: Yeah, ready for me to gone a little bit more anyway. But then there are seasons of my life where my family gets the best of me. Being intentional and purposeful about that, noticing those moments.

When I look at what my family is doing is why balance doesn’t work. Sometimes I need to disrupt or adjust the rhythm because my kids may be suffering. I need to adjust the rhythm of what I’m doing to take care of that.

The Notice What Matters wheel allows you to evaluate that. There’s a whole action list that goes with it, and I tell you how to plug it into your calendar. I do this every year and it has changed my life. I am a better everything because of that.

Decisions, Consequences, and Thinking Long-Term

Jim: The longer term we think, the better decisions we make. The calendar can really be a tool.

Matt: Hey, on that you just said this: there is a quote by my good friend Jim Piper in this book.

Jim: There is, huh?

Matt: I had to go look it up. I had to go find it.

Jim: I haven’t run across that.

Matt: I had to find it in your book Story because I read that book twice by the way. I had to go find it in your book. Basically, “Our consequences are always waiting on our decisions.” I messed it up a little bit, but it is verbatim in my book, and I quoted it.

Our consequences are really just waiting on the decisions we’re making today. I want to help leaders, I want to help people make better decisions today because what I notice today will impact what I do tomorrow.

Jim: Sounds like Today Counts.

Matt: There you go.

Where to Find Notice What Matters and Additional Resources

Jim: Matt, right in the front end, you mentioned your book trending as a bestseller on Amazon. Is there any other place they can pick up this book?

Matt: Anywhere books are sold.

Jim: Where do you want them to get it?

Matt: Anywhere books are sold: Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million. They’re starting distribution on Walmart.com. It’s there already, I believe, at Target. I’m not sure. My distribution’s still getting out there. We’re going to get it into physical bookstores as well. But right now, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, Walmart.com.

Jim: For those listening before we sign off, I want to encourage you this way: sometimes we don’t realize the positive effects we can have on others just by doing things for ourselves that are right.

Let’s say, you haven’t read a book in a while. You make a commitment to buy this book, get this book because I’m confident you’re going to be moved by it. The next step is to tell other people about it. That can be a way to bless. We’re always looking for concrete ways of blessing other people, and good information helps us all think better. Those are great ways to do it.

Matt: There’re more resources at noticewhatmatters.com. There’s a whole website full of resources.

Jim: That’s part of that section, that third thing you’re developing, right?

Matt: Yes.

Jim: Beautiful.

Matt: So all of that’s there. The Notice What Matters wheel, you can get a copy there. You can work it out there. The instructions are in the book. I really want to help people with that because if they get that figured out, it’ll change the trajectory of their life.

Jim: Outstanding. Matt Martin, thank you for coming on the show.

Matt: Thank you. It was my pleasure.

Outro

Winston: Thank you so much for joining us on the Today Counts Show. We have so much more planned for you. Stay tuned and stay connected on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, and subscribe on YouTube. Remember, today counts.

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